Again
by khala
Summary: A vignette based loosely on the show, set after Jason said he couldn't be the friend Elizabeth thought he was.
1. Sonny, Carly, and Your Empty Penthouse

Author's Notes:  Me again!  What can I say?  I love them…and well, I do angst _really_ well.  My poor readers.  Ok, just like always…these characters belong to ABC and _General Hospital_.  I don't own them, I was just borrowing them.  I'll give them back if you ask nicely.  

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

"Are you okay?" he asked.  

Elizabeth stopped on the steps of the Elm Street pier and sighed heavily.  Jason told her _again_ how dangerous it was to be around him and how she needed to stay away.  And she, wanting to hold onto an ounce of self-respect, had turned to walk away.  Before he could.  Again.  

But his voice had stopped her.  It was sincere and honest as he asked about her well-being.  Elizabeth promised herself she wouldn't cry for him anymore.  But she had to amend that – she wouldn't cry in front of him.  She'd spent so much of her time crying—for Lucky, for Jason, for herself.  And just when she thought she was all cried out, the seemingly endless well of tears would open up again.  

God, she hated that word.  Again.  Lucky promised he'd love her, again.  Jason said she couldn't see him again.  And she – she found herself in the same mess.  Again.

Everything in her wanted to turn around and tell him she wasn't okay – wasn't sure she'd ever be okay again.  Her mouth twisted with bitterness as the word ran through her mind.

Again.  Again.  Again.

"Elizabeth?"  

She could hear the concern in his voice – and could almost convince herself it was genuine.  Elizabeth would have believed if it he hadn't just insisted they could no longer know each other.  Her hand tightened on the metal handrail before she turned to face him.  

"I'm fine," she lied.  At one time Elizabeth Webber had been a damn fine actress.  With her parents, her friends, with just about anyone.  Then Lucky happened.  The dear, sweet Lucky Spencer she'd fought so desperately to hold onto – only to lose him again.  "You've made your point, Jason.  You're dangerous, I think it's a joke, we can't be friends, I get it.  You don't have to tell me over and over again."  

They stood there for a long moment, their eyes telling each other the truth their souls hid.  Finally, when he didn't say anything, she turned to walk away.

"Are you okay?" he asked, again.

This time she'd actually reached the top step, preparing to return to Kelly's.  When he'd asked her to come for a walk with him, Elizabeth had dropped everything at the chance.  He'd held out his hand, just like that night so long ago, but this time she didn't hesitate in taking it.  "Do you want to know the truth?" she asked, not turning around.

"Of course I do.  I never want you to feel like you have to lie to me."  Jason took a step towards her, but then stopped.  "Elizabeth, are you okay?"  

"No," she whispered.  It was more to herself than him.  After the first tear fell, she couldn't stop them.  "I – uh – I haven't been okay since I left the hospital.  Since the day you promised me you'd never bail on me – all you've done is break that promise.  I just can't do it anymore, Jason."  

She didn't hear him move, his heavy motorcycle boots on the wood pier, or his low curses directed towards himself, all she knew was one second she had been falling, and then Jason was there to catch her.  "Easy," he whispered.  Jason wrapped an arm around her waist and directed her towards the wooden bench.  The same bench he'd first told her goodbye on.  Back when things had been so simple for them.  When being 'more than friends' was something that they both understood.

"I don't understand, Jason," she sniffled.  Elizabeth let him support her, suddenly finding herself without any energy.  "Why can't we be friends?"  

"Elizabeth…" he sighed.  Jason ran his free hand over his face, trying to prepare himself for another conversation like this.  "It's dangerous–"  

"I'll agree to the guard," Elizabeth cut in.  "I won't argue, I won't try to ditch him, Jason.  I promise.  I'll listen to whatever you say, I'll do whatever you want.  Just…I can't do it, Jason.  I don't know how to _not_ be your friend."  

"Elizabeth, you can walk away from this, but I never can.  Not in five years, not in ten years… but you can walk out while you're still safe."  He turned to face her and cupped her chin in his hand, wiped a salty tear away.  "While you're still alive."  

It was the same spiel, again.  She wished he'd at least come up with a new speech to give her, something that at least made it interesting.  "What if it's a risk I want to take?"  

"I won't."  

"We've had this conversation before, Jason.  Outside of Kelly's, years ago.  That didn't stop Sorel from coming after me, so why do you think it's gonna stop Alcazar?"  Elizabeth numbly wiped away any remaining tears and looked up at him.  "These people—your enemies, they _get_ that I mean something to you.  Why do you think they kidnapped me, Jason?  It wasn't because of Lucky, it wasn't because of Zander… it was because of **you**."  

"And you wonder why I'm trying to stay away?" he questioned.  "You've been kidnapped and you've been shot.  Because of me, Elizabeth.  Yes, you mean something to me.  But you can't, not anymore."  

"So that's it?" she asked, angrily.  "Do you just have some switch inside of you that you can turn off?  Are you really the borg people say you are?"  

"Damn it, Elizabeth…"  

"You know what, Jason?" Elizabeth stood and pulled the light sweater around herself tighter.  "I can't do this right now.  I've walked out on my job, again, so I can listen to you tell me how much our friendship doesn't mean to you.  I'm sorry, but I'm just not doing it right now."  

 "Elizabeth!" Jason yelled, but this time she didn't stop on the steps.  She didn't even look back as she left him sitting there, his face in his hands.  

~*~

_Three Days Later_…

Elizabeth looked up when the bell above Kelly's jingled to find Jason standing there, staring at her.  She hadn't seen or heard from him since the night she left him on the docks.  And frankly, she didn't want to.  "Courtney, I'm taking my break, could you cover my tables?" she called back to the kitchen.  

"Sure, no problem," Courtney answered her.  The blonde came out, a tray held high above her head.  She saw that Jason had just seated himself in Elizabeth's section.  "Are you sure you don't want to take that one?"  

"Positive."  Elizabeth pulled the apron off and grabbed her purse, heading out through the kitchen.  Once she got to the back steps, Elizabeth pulled a pack of cigarettes from her purse, along with a lighter and settled in for a smoke.  It was a nervous habit she'd picked up weeks ago, after she and Zander had been shot at in the hospital.  They'd gone to Sonny who had whisked Zander away to a safe house, but did nothing to protect her.  Of course, it seemed that Alcazar had lost interest.  Hell, maybe he really did believe she didn't mean anything to Jason.  

She heard the heavy motorcycle boots crunch on the gravel, announcing his presence.  Elizabeth blew a smoke ring into the air before she sighed.  Stubbing the half-smoked cigarette out, she fished another out of the pack.  "If you're here to tell me about the danger, just save your breath.  I get it, okay?  Now, please, just leave me alone."  

As if she hadn't said anything at all, Jason commented, "You don't smoke."  

"I do now."  Elizabeth took a drag off the cigarette and exhaled slowly.  "Seems I have lots of extra time on my hands.  And well…since you won't risk me being shot at, I have to figure out some other way to kill myself." "Elizabeth–" Jason began.  His voice was sharp, and she knew she was in for a lecture.  

"Jason?" she questioned, before he could say anymore.  "Would you please just…stuff it."   

He couldn't help himself and he laughed.  Things had been so tense lately with Sonny because he had helped AJ, and also because of Alcazar, he couldn't remember the last time he'd let off any stress at all.  When he tried to ride, all he could concentrate on was why Elizabeth wasn't behind him, yelling into the window, urging him to go faster.  "I'm sorry," he apologized, "it's just, you sounded exactly like my grandmother when you said that."

Elizabeth took another drag from the cigarette and slowly expelled the smoke from her lungs.  "Jason, if you don't have anything to say, just please leave."  She dropped the cigarette on the cement step and rubbed it out with her boot.  "I told you a few days ago, I can't do this anymore.  I don't want to hear about your grandmother, and I don't want to hear about all of these things you think you need to tell me.  Because when you're finished telling them to me," she looked up to meet his eyes, "When you're finished kissing me breathless, you'll tell me once again how we can't be friends…how it's too dangerous.  And frankly, I'm just tired of hearing it.  So just shut the fuck up."  

"Elizabeth…"

"Why are you here, Jason?" she questioned.  Elizabeth put her hands on her thighs and pushed herself up.  From the step, she had the height advantage over him.  "You know I work here.  You know I spend my time here.  But still, you come.  You say it's for the coffee, but newsflash Jason:  the coffee's not that good.  And in case you've forgotten, you own half of a coffee warehouse."  

"Damn it, woman, would you just let me explain?"  

"No," she cut in crisply, "I won't.  I'm tired of hearing your damn explanations.  Once, a long time ago, I tried to tell you to stay away because of Lucky and you said, you know the thing is, mostly you came to me.  I, being my usual self, insisted that you take me back, and being selfish, I asked for the cliff road.  But you know what Jason?  You've been the one telling me to stay away, and I've been listening, but I can't listen when you show up every other minute where I work, wanting a cheeseburger or a cup of coffee, or just walking by, checking up on me."  

Jason cocked his head to the side to study her.  "How do you remember that?  It's been over a year, and that was one of the worst times in your life… but you remember."  

Elizabeth's smile was sad.  "I remember everything you say to me.  It's my curse."  

"Curse?"  

"I used to think of it as a blessing.  When you weren't here, I could think back on all the good times we had together, and it would make me happy.  And now…now all it does it make me sad."  

"Why are you making this so difficult?" Jason asked.  He took a step towards her, holding out his hand, but he let it drop before she could take it.  

"_I'm_ making it difficult?" Elizabeth repeated.  "Me?  No, no.  You are the one who keeps showing up here, you are the one who can't stay away, not me Jason."  

He took another step forward and this time he did reach out to touch her.  He slid his hand through her hair, lifting it away from her face.  "Don't you even wonder why?"  His voice was hoarse as he fought off the emotions threatening to overwhelm him.  "Have you even stopped to think why I can't stay away from you Elizabeth?  Even though I know it's dangerous, and I know I should just let you live your life…I can't walk away."  Jason brought his other hand up to frame her face.  "It's because you're important to me.  It's because I lo…"

Not willing to hear his admission, Elizabeth quickly reached up and pulled his face to hers.  Their lips met, as Jason allowed her to take control of the kiss.  It was gentle as she probed his mouth with her tongue, learning him well.  Jason could feel the passion rise up in him, just like every time they touched.  Finally, when he was sure he'd explode, she pulled back.  

Reaching up, she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.  Her eyes were pained when she looked at him.  "Go home, Jason.  Go back to Sonny and Carly and your empty penthouse.  My break's over."  

And she turned and walked away.


	2. It Hurts to Breathe Sometimes

Elizabeth took a deep breath of the crisp, December air.  She hadn't been up here in weeks.  But Vista Point always seemed to have a calming effect on her.  She'd once told Jason she would come up for a break, hoping to find him.  But Elizabeth knew she came up here to remember how to breathe.  

Shifting nervously, she looked back over her shoulder at Francis.  He, or another of Sonny's men, had been with her permanently since the accident.  It was okay…most of the time.  As much as she appreciated Francis, she still didn't think he got it.  He didn't understand that sometimes she just needed to scream into the darkness, emptying herself of all the darkness inside.  

Like that night on the steps of Kelly's his motorcycle boots announced him.  Elizabeth had been waiting so long to hear the crunch of gravel underfoot that she forgot what it meant to her.  Closing her eyes, she took another deep breath.  Releasing it slowly, she reached into her purse and fished for a cigarette.  Shaky fingers brought it to her mouth and when she tried to light it, the wind would blow it out.  Knowing she couldn't do it with just one hand, she carefully removed her right arm from the sling to cup the flame.  Finally, the end of the cigarette glowed orange.  

"What're you doing here?" she asked.  

Jason studied her profile, searching for something to say.  There was so much, but so little.  Things he had wanted to tell her for _years_ but every time he tried, the fear in his heart had stopped him.  Elizabeth had told him once that he wasn't scared for her, but for himself.  It had taken four months of being away from her to find out.  "Sonny told me about your accident."  

"Yeah?"  Elizabeth took a long drag, and then slowly released the smoke from her lungs.  "It was three weeks ago.  And here, I thought your plan was working.  Turns out, Alcazar had bigger plans for me."  

He took a step towards and gestured to the sling.  "Is it broken?"  

Elizabeth lifted her purple cast and nodded.  "Your mother says I can get it off in a few weeks.  We…" Elizabeth sighed.  This was the part that always upset her.  "We don't know if there's any permanent damage to my hand."  

"And your ribs?  He said something about your ribs."  

"Cracked.  Two of them.  It hurts to breathe sometimes," she admitted.  Elizabeth turned to look at him, her blue eyes searching for his.  "What're you doing here?"  

"I needed to see if you were okay," he whispered.  

"I am."  Elizabeth's voice was crisp and business like.  She dropped the half-smoked cigarette and stamped it out.  "Now that you've eased your conscious, I'd like for you to leave."  

"Elizabeth–"

"**No**," she cut in.  Turning quickly, Elizabeth faced him.  "You don't get to do this, Jason.  I'm _fine_.  You have **no** right to waltz back into my life after you just left.  I can't sit around and wait for you to leave again, so just _go_."  

Jason dropped his head, his heart breaking with her every word.  As he turned to go, he said, "What if I said I'm not leaving this time?"  

"I'd say you always leave."  Elizabeth watched as he stopped on the steps, like she had so many months ago.  "I'd say, you always say you aren't going anywhere, but then you do.  And I can't… Jason, I can't do this anymore.  I love you too much to watch you walk out of my life."  

Jason turned again to face her.  "I won't leave this time.  I…" he broke off.

"You?" she urged.  

"I've spent the last four months, trying to get you out of my head and my heart.  And it's impossible."  

"Where have you been?  You have a tan."  

"Puerto Rico."  Jason descended the steps and went to the wooden bench to sit.  "Alcazar went after our assets there.  He was planning a simultaneous attack on Port Charles and Puerto Rico.  I went to stabilize things."  

"Did you?"  

"It's as stable as it ever is, I guess."  Jason rested his chin on his hands and looked up at her.  "Come sit with me?"  

Elizabeth nodded, and then went to sit beside him.  "I'm glad for you."

"What happened?"  

Elizabeth closed her eyes, still feeling shaky from the night her life blew to pieces, quite literally.  "I…I was working at Kelly's.  Nikolas came over to walk me home, and we were talking.  But I left my purse, so we had to go back.  We got to the studio and I was searching for the keys.  Next thing I know, I woke up in the hospital three days later."  

"A bomb?"  

"I guess.  I lost everything that was important to me that night.  All of my belongings.  And I almost lost one of my best friends."  

"Cassadine?"  

"He…some shrapnel hit him in the eye.  He and Gia flew out to L.A. early this week to talk with some doctors.  They don't know if he'll ever see from his right eye again."  Elizabeth felt the tears begin to silently slide down her face and didn't resist when Jason wrapped an arm around her and pulled him to her.  "I should have listened to you, I'm sorry."  

"Don't you ever, ever be sorry for this, Elizabeth.  It was my fault.  I…I should have been here."  

"Why?"  Elizabeth looked up at him through spiked eyelashes.  "Before you left, you told me to stay away.  That it was dangerous.  But guess what?  They blew up my studio anyway.  They almost killed me and Nikolas.  Do you get it now, Jason?  Staying away doesn't help." 

"I know that."  

"Then why'd you stay gone so long?"

"It's best–"  

"For who?" she demanded.  "For me?  Or for you?  You told me once there was something real between us, and we had to decide what to do with it.  Why do you keep running away from that?"  

Jason closed his eyes and sighed heavily.  "I'm not running–"

"The hell you aren't!"  Elizabeth jerked away from him and stood.  She began pacing the length of the bridge.  "You've been running since that night in the park, Jason.  You hide behind your business and who you are, but the truth is you're just scared.  Robin hurt you, I get that.  I'm sorry.  But you can't punish me because of her.  She's gone…Jason.  It's just you and me."  

"This has nothing to do with Robin," Jason told her.  "I _am_ dangerous, Elizabeth.  People die around me.  Don't you get that?"  

"I get it!" she yelled.  "I get a lot, Jason.  I get that maybe I didn't really mean anything to you at all."  Elizabeth closed her eyes and took a deep breath.  She shifted her arm back into the sling and looked up at him.  "I can't listen when you need me.  And I can't be around whenever you want and then gone when you—when you don't.    I can't be the friend you thought I was."  

As his own words echoed in his head, Jason vaguely heard her shoes scuffle along the wood.  He heard her ask Francis to take her home, and he realized he didn't even know where that was.  He heard the car start and pull down the gravel driveway.  And finally, he stood up to go home to Sonny and Carly and his empty penthouse.  

~*~

"Courtney!  AJ!" Elizabeth yelled.  She dropped her purse on the couch and pulled the sling over her head.  "Anyone here?"  

She dropped the sling on the table and went into the kitchen.  There was a sandwich covered in saran wrap on the table with a card next to it reading _Liz_.  Smiling, she opened it.  _Hey, stranger.  I've hardly seen you in the last few days.  I got called into Kelly's and AJ's still out of town.  I don't know if you know yet or not, but Jason's back in town.  I just wanted to give you a heads up before you ran into him.  I'll be home after the dinner rush, so I'll see you then.  ~Courtney_

"Too late for that," she muttered.  Elizabeth picked up the sandwich and went to the refrigerator for a drink.  Pulling out a can Coke she popped the top and left the saran wrap on the counter.  After she slipped off her tennis shoes, she went into the living room to settle in for the night.  

Elizabeth wasn't really sure how she'd come to live with Courtney and AJ.  It wasn't one of those things she had planned.  After the studio blew up, Sonny had offered her Carly's cottage, but she had politely refused.  In truth, she was ready to be finished with Sonny, Jason, and the entire lot of them.  She couldn't have a part of what she really wanted, so she didn't want any of it.  

She'd been at Kelly's one day, apartment hunting, when Courtney mentioned they had an extra bedroom.  It was small, but it would easily accommodate a twin bed and small dresser.  Elizabeth had tried to refuse the room, but Courtney assured her they could use the extra income.  And, Elizabeth had reasoned, the easiest way to get away from Sonny would be to take up with AJ Quartermaine.  

It seemed to be working, with the exception of the guard.  But once Alcazar was taken care of permanently, Elizabeth knew she wouldn't be seeing Francis anymore.  Whoever the next guy was wouldn't even know about her and Jason.  Just the way he wanted it…just the way she'd come to accept it.  

She'd just taken a bite from her sandwich when she heard a knock on the door.  She jumped at first, wondering why Courtney hadn't just used her key.  Elizabeth stood and went to the window.  She peeked out and saw Francis still on guard at the building door, and knew whoever it was at the door was safe.  Elizabeth left the plate on the coffee table and carried the sandwich with her, taking another bite.  "Hey Court–"  

Her words caught in her throat when she saw Jason standing there.  Reminding herself to swallow, she looked up to meet his eyes.  "How'd you find out where I was?"  

"It took about two seconds to get it out of Carly."  Not bothering to ask, Jason stepped into the living room.  "I was going to call Francis… but he's not your guard so that I know where you are."  

"Where I am doesn't concern you at all," she reminded him.  Elizabeth took another bite of the cheese sandwich and chewed carefully.  "Courtney and AJ aren't here.  You can leave now."  

"Why here?" he asked.

"So you'd never come to visit me."  

"Do you hate me that much?"  

Elizabeth's eyes softened when she looked up at him.  "I don't hate you at all, even though I think I should sometimes."  

"You're probably right."  Jason reached up to cup her cheek, gently tracing her jaw line with his thumb.  "You didn't let me finish what I wanted to tell you."  

Elizabeth sighed impatiently.  "So you came all the way over here?  What if AJ had been here?"  

"What I want to tell you doesn't concern AJ.  It's about you and me."  

"I know, okay.  You're dangerous.  Please, please, _please_ stop seeking me out to tell me that.  I don't come to you, so please stop coming–" Elizabeth stopped when his hand covered her mouth.  

"I missed you," he whispered.  "I used to sit outside at sunrise to watch the ocean…the color at the horizon reminded me so much of your eyes.  The white sand beaches reminded me of your delicate skin."  Jason returned his hand to her jaw.  "I've been gone for four months, but I thought of you every second.  I kept telling myself it would get easier, that eventually you'd just fade away, but it never happened."  

Jason took a step towards her and shifted his hand to the back of her neck.  "I keep trying to forget you, but all I can do is remember.  The way you smell like snow, the way you always have a smile ready, the way my heart breaks when you cry.  But I also remember that wild look in your eyes when I pulled you from the crypt, and the blood on your arm when Zander shot you.  The bad always comes with the good.  There are a million reasons why I should leave Port Charles and never come back, and only one reason for me to say.  You are that reason, Elizabeth."  

"What're you trying to say?"  

"You said that you love me too much to watch me walk away from you again…well, I could say the same.  I can't watch you leave me again, not being sure if you know how I feel about you."  

Jason brought his other hand up to her face and gently leaned down.  His lips brushed over hers twice, and then he applied a gentle pressure to her mouth.  She opened for him, allowing his tongue to sweep between her lips before he pulled back.  "I can't be the friend you thought I was because I want to be more.  I can't watch you with Zander or Lucky–"

"There is no Zander or Lucky, Jason."  

"Shhh," he quieted her.  "I know.  You were right," he whispered.  "I was scared.  It terrified me that you make me feel so alive.  You complete something inside of me I didn't even know was missing."  Jason peered down at her big blue eyes, spread wide with happiness.  "Say something."  

"I love you."  

Jason closed his eyes as he felt his heart contract inside of his chest with joy.  When she'd said it before, he hadn't let it be processed, for fear she didn't know what she was saying.  But now…now he knew it was the truth.  "I love you too."  

Leaning down, he kissed her again.  This time it held a little more pressure, but also a little more promise.  Jason gently rested his forehead against hers and smiled.  "Can we please leave before AJ shows up?"  

The smile that she gave him lit up her entire face and she nodded.  "Just let me leave Courtney a note."  

"Okay."  

Going to the coffee table, she picked up the card her friend had left for her.  Crossing out 'Liz' she wrote the blonde's name on the front of the card, then turned to the inside.  At the bottom of Courtney's note, Elizabeth wrote in red:  _With Jason…right where I need to be.  See you tomorrow.  ~Liz_

**_finis_**


End file.
